Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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