??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
