I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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