non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
