So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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