I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
