I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
