i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
