i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
