I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
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There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
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If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize