I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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