We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
