he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
