You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
