I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
