Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
