guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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