Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
