69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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