nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
