i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
