and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
