so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
