also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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