I need help removing her.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My vagina just clenched in fear
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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