Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
