Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
