i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
