every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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