he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
