Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
