I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
