Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
