i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
