I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
