Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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