Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
