Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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