i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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