yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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