four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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