I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
