dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
