The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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