i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
