Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
