Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
