Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
