Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
