we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sober January is a disaster.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
