Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
