life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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