So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
