were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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