youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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