he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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