i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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