I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
