So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
