do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
