I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
