I am puke
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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