i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
this hospital has no fireball
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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