Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
