And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i will never coherently bang her
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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