Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We need to rekindle our bromance
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
