If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
