Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
