ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's rum buckets o'clock
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
