Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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