the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
